Mind Your Business- It's Free!
Keep It Moving.
Thank you so much for the love, the prayers, and the well-wishes on my birthday. I truly appreciate every single one of you who took the time to reach out. It meant a lot to me. I also shared a bit about my health, and I’m deeply grateful for all the prayers. In due time, I trust I’ll be able to share my story. But today, something else is on my heart—boundaries.
It’s funny because I actually wrote something on this topic back in late October or early November last year. I even started editing it, but I never felt the release to post it. At some point, I must have deleted it, thinking, “Maybe this isn’t the right time.” But today, as I was praying, this topic came back to me so strongly that I knew this was the day to finally put it out there.
Boundaries are one of the most misunderstood concepts in Christian communities. I don’t know how this plays out in other religious spaces, but I can confidently speak about the believers’ community. We talk a lot about being our brother’s keeper or checking in on people, but let’s be honest—sometimes, that’s just a cover-up for interfering in things that are none of our business. There’s a fine line between care and intrusion, and unfortunately, many of us cross it regularly without realizing it.
I remember when I got married. Barely a week or two after my wedding, I went to church, and a woman (who I wasn’t even close to) smiled at me and said, “Olabisi, I hope you’ve conceived already!” Now, I think she meant it as a joke—at least, I hope so. But why is that even a joke? First, I had just gotten married. Second, we weren’t close. And third, why would that be the first thing you say to me? That moment made me realize something: people don’t know where to draw the line. Under the guise of “caring” or “being a church family,” we ask intrusive, inappropriate, and even hurtful questions.
Where do we get this boldness from? The Audacity to Speak on Things We Know Nothing About! One of the most audacious things anyone has ever said to me was: “Olabisi, I feel like you’re just wasting time with this childbirth thing.” This person wasn’t even close to me. They had never met my husband. But somehow, they pieced together a story in their head and felt entitled to lecture me about my own life—for an entire hour.
Can we just pause for a moment? Because what is that? How do people get the confidence to impose their unsolicited opinions on others? It’s one thing if someone opens up to you about a struggle. It’s another thing entirely to assume you have the right to comment on something they haven’t even mentioned. And honestly, it’s almost always believers who do this. We, who are supposed to be filled with love and wisdom, are often the biggest culprits of being busybodies. And that’s not a personality trait—it’s a problem.
One of the biggest challenges that single women, and even married women face in the faith community is the consistent intrusion into their personal lives. This intrusion manifests in many ways. For single women, it’s the constant questioning about when they are getting married, as if their worth and purpose are incomplete until they do. For married women, the pressure shifts. The moment she gets married, the same community that pressured her into marriage starts pressing her about having children. “When is the baby coming?” as if her body and reproductive choices are a communal matter.
I remember someone telling me how, after she had her first child, people—some of whom she didn’t even know personally—began pressuring her about having a second one. “When is the next baby coming?” they would ask, as if it was their decision to make. Hilarious, isn’t it? It’s the audacity for me. People impose expectations without any regard for what someone might be going through or what they even want for themselves.
Ironically, many times, the family members of these women are not even as intrusive as the faith community. Some families understand and respect personal timelines, but in church, the expectation is that because we are all ‘one family in Christ,’ everyone has a right to comment, suggest, and sometimes even dictate what should be happening in someone else’s life. This pressure has led many people into wrong marriages and unhealthy relationships. Some women end up marrying out of desperation, not necessarily because they have found the right person, but because they are tired of being the topic of every discussion.
And even beyond marriage, the believers’ community imposes expectations that can feel suffocating. A woman in her 30s or 40s who is single is constantly made to feel like something is wrong with her, even if she is perfectly content in her season of life. A couple that has been married for a few years without children is treated with suspicion, as if there is some hidden sin or spiritual issue at play.
This isn’t just about women. Men feel it too, though differently. A single man in the church is often told to “step up,” to find a wife quickly, because “it’s not good for a man to be alone.” He is pressured into thinking that marriage is proof of his spiritual maturity.
All of this creates a toxic cycle where people make life-altering decisions out of pressure rather than purpose. How many women have entered into unhappy marriages just to silence the voices around them? How many couples have brought children into the world before they were ready, just to meet the expectations of others?
“Safe Spaces” Are Often the Most Unsafe Places. You know, over the years, I’ve realized something: Many times, the same people who say, “This is a safe space” turn out to be the ones who make it the most unsafe place to be. We’ve heard it before: “You can talk to me; this is a judgment-free zone.” But in reality, the moment you share something personal, it becomes gossip. The moment you set a boundary, you become “proud.” The moment you push back, you are labeled as “rebellious.”
We need to do better as a faith community. If we truly believe that God orders our steps, then we must trust that He leads each person in His time. Our job is not to impose, but to support, respect, and let God be God.
The Bible speaks about minding your own business.
Minding your business doesn’t mean you don’t care about people. It means you respect them enough to let them share what they want to share—on their own terms. I’m not saying we shouldn’t care about our brothers and sisters in Christ. But concern should never cross into intrusion. If someone hasn’t opened upabout a topic, don’t force a conversation about it. I know some people will say, “Oh, but we’re Africans. It’s our culture to ask these things.” But cultural norms don’t override biblical wisdom. If our tradition teaches us to be intrusive, then maybe it’s time to unlearn some of those habits.
I know this post might ruffle a few feathers. Some people might feel attacked. But honestly, if reading this makes you uncomfortable, maybe it’s time to reflect.
If someone hasn’t talked to you about their personal life, don’t assume you have the right to ask invasive questions. If you’re genuinely concerned about someone, instead of prying, pray for them. And if you’re unsure whether a question is appropriate, ask yourself: “Would I be comfortable if someone asked me this?”
People have their own timing, their own struggles, and their own journey with God. Let’s honor that by respecting their boundaries.
And if people say I mind my business too much? I think I’d rather mind my business too much than not mind it at all.
This is an ongoing conversation, and we probably can’t cover everything in one day. But the essence of it all is this—these pressures go beyond just marriage and pregnancy. They extend across different areas of people’s lives, from career choices to finances, parenting, and even lifestyle decisions. The weight of these expectations can make it difficult for people to fully embrace their own journeys. Maybe it’s time we step back and allow people the freedom to move at their own pace, without the constant scrutiny of predefined milestones.
To be fair, this pressure doesn’t only come from elders or the older generation. Peers do it too. Friends, colleagues, and even acquaintances sometimes feel entitled to ask intrusive questions or make unsolicited comments. But the truth is, just because someone is your friend doesn’t mean every topic is fair game. If certain things haven’t been brought up, maybe there’s a reason for that. Not every conversation needs to be had, and not every question needs to be asked. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for the people in our lives is to respect their silence and let them share at their own pace.
At the end of the day, we all just want to walk our journeys in peace, trusting God’s timing and leading. And wouldn’t it be beautiful if our communities made that easier instead of harder?
If you have any thoughts to share, please leave a comment below
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